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My Cousin Mark Twain: A Trove of Twain Pipe-Smoking Anecdotes
November 30th is Mark Twain's birthday, a day worthy of holiday status. He's considered the father of American literature, after all, and certainly the father of American humor, and therefore his birth is at least as deserving of national observance as Groundhog Day.
We here at Smokingpipes understand the great author's importance, especially because he was such a dedicated pipe and cigar smoker. This year, in honor of his 189th birthday, we're highlighting some lesser-known pipe anecdotes from a book written by his cousin, Cyril Clemens, called My Cousin Mark Twain.
Cyril was Mark Twain's third cousin twice removed, a distinction recognizable only to geneticists and whatever branch of higher mathematics specializes in linear cousinology. Still, they shared the same last name, Twain's real name being Samuel Clemens. Cyril was born in 1902, only eight years before Mark Twain's death, so he doesn't provide a wealth of personal observations, but he became a biographer of his famous cousin, with access to family letters and people who had personally interacted with the author.
The Saint Louis University Archives helpfully chronicle the time young Cyril met Twain:
Cyril Clemens remembered visiting his cousin Mark Twain in Redding, Connecticut, in 1909, one year before the author's death. The boy asked Twain why he favored white suits, and Twain replied, "Dark clothes depress me." Watching Twain playing with some kittens, Cyril, a fellow devotee of the species, inquired what was better than a cat. Twain shot back, "Two cats." But in spite of his pleasant memories of his kinsman and a love of letters dating from his childhood, Cyril Clemens professed to have had no real fascination with Twain's work or even much knowledge about his life until asked in the early 1920s to speak to a woman's club about his cousin. Researching his subject, Clemens conceived a passion for the life and literature of his cousin Mark Twain.
Cyril went on to found the International Mark Twain Society and edited its journal. He wrote biographies of other famous authors, but we're here to discuss his contribution to our understanding of Mark Twain's pipe smoking. My Cousin Mark Twain contains some welcome examples and even has a chapter dedicated to Twain's smoking.
Sadly, the book is out of print. But be not afraid: We here at Smokingpipes have, at great peril and personal sacrifice, obtained a rare copy and will share some of its most interesting episodes.
The book almost failed to exist at all. The Mark Twain estate is protective of its assets and objected to Cyril's use of Twain's letters, even those penned to his own family. Here again, The Saint Louis University Archives provide some detail:
During the 1930s Clemens' troubles with the Mark Twain estate began. In 1932 his book Mark Twain the Letter Writer was suppressed by the estate for copyright infringement, and a similar fate threatened My Cousin Mark Twain in 1939. An attorney for Twain's daughter Clara Clemens Gabrilowitsch, who also served as a trustee of the estate, accused Clemens of being "a very distant cousin of Mark Twain who won't keep his distance." Clemens' "self-assumed title of 'cousin' is absolutely without authority," insisted the lawyer, who went on to castigate Clemens for "masquerading under such assumed relationship" and for the "liberties he was taking with the name Clemens and the rights of others." For his part, Clemens scoffed that the estate believed it owned the entire persona of the author and even had the gall to suggest that he change his name.
Cyril Clemens
Family. No one can make you crazier than family. But Cyril was indeed distantly related, and because of that, he had his own family's personal letters from Twain, and his name recognition provided access to people from Mark Twain's life.
In My Cousin Mark Twain, Cyril Clemens provides a biography of Twain, but of particular interest to us are the several references to Twain's tobacco use.
For example, Twain would often visit Bermuda, and some details of his writing process emerge, along with some barbering problems:
After his first visit Clemens always stayed with the Allen family. Mr. Allen told the author that Clemens always kept a battery of twenty or thirty filled pipes in his room so that while he was in the process of composition he could change from one pipe to another without stopping his work. He was always particular about being shaved but when the barber arrived each morning the man couldn't see Clemens for the amount of pipe smoke that was in the room, and he had to call out and ask where he was. Then windows had to be opened, for unless the atmosphere became considerably clearer, the barber's razor would probably have taken off a slice of Clemens' ear or nose. (pg 148-149)
It's well known that Twain felt his tobacco consumption was imperative to his writing process, and Cyril provides additional evidence. "Mark Twain also found smoking an aid to his composition. He would smoke an old cigar, a five-center as much as a costly Havana. Often he would load up a big Calabash with strong Virginia tobacco and puff clouds of smoke while he penned page after page of his quaint humor." (137-138)
Twain visited Hawaii shortly after becoming a newspaper reporter and was the houseguest of Judge Austin. During dinner, Twain regaled the guests with stories and kept them laughing, and when the meal was finished, he approached the judge:
"Now, Judge, I want your largest pipe filled with your strongest tobacco!"
Judge Austin, a formal, dignified, punctilious gentleman of the old school, did not relish being accosted familiarly by fresh young men, so he determined to teach, then and there, the young puppy a lesson. A week or two previously the Judge had entertained a party of officers from a visiting American man-of-war, who at parting had presented their host with some extremely strong navy twist tobacco. Although a confirmed smoker, Austin found the navy twist "one too many" for him. Filling the rankest pipe in his possession with this tobacco, he handed it to Clemens with a quizzical smile and no doubt with feelings as triumphant as ever Caesar Borgia had when handing poisoned wine to his guests. Instead of the anticipated exhibition of deep distress and anguish on the part of Clemens, the Judge was chagrined to find that the tobacco agreed uncommonly well with the young man, so much so that he smoked pipe after pipe of it, and kept the company far into the morning. (180-181)
No one could compare to Twain when it came to tobacco stamina. He had grown up smoking uncured tobacco in a corn cob pipe. To him, navy twist was like crisp mountain air.
When Twain was traveling to the West to begin his adventures there, he found himself in a reverie about his pipe, and Cyril quotes him from Roughing It (1872): "Nothing helps scenery like ham and eggs. Ham and eggs, and after these a pipe — an old, rank, delicious pipe — ham and eggs and scenery, — a 'down-grade,' a flying coach, a fragrant pipe, and a contented heart — these make happiness. It is what all the ages have struggled for."
He was dedicated to his pipe over his entire life, not only in older age but as a young adult trying his hand at mining silver and gold in California. Cyril met with Twain's old mining partner Bill Gillis in California, who was still mining near Angel's Camp, the home of "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County," and Gillis particularly remembered Sam Clemens' pipe smoking: "After some more whittling, Gillis continued, 'In that corner stood the bed where four of us would sleep. Clemens always insisted that he sleep on the outside so that the minute he woke up in the morning he could reach his pipe and tobacco. He was always smoking day and night, never had his pipe out of his mouth.'" (170)
One anecdote stands out for Twain meeting his match in tobacco tolerance. A man one day turned up where Twain was working on a story in Virginia City, Nevada. He had heard that Twain was funny and wanted to be entertained. Twain offered him a cigar, which the visitor refused, saying he never smoked them, and Twain devised a punishment for being interrupted:
William Montgomery Clemens, who relates this incident states that at this Mark Twain smiled and, taking up his pipe, filled it with the strongest tobacco he had and began to puff. "I'll keep him in here, now," mused the smoker, "until the old bore is as sick as a dog. I wouldn't consent to his departure, if he was to get down on his knees and pray for deliverance." (182)
But the stranger had a surprise. After the room had filled with smoke,
The bore took out a cob pipe and a twist of new tobacco, known in his neighborhood as "Tough Tom," whittled off a handful, filled his pipe, lighted it, placed his feet on the stove, and went to work. Mark soon began to snuff the foul air, but he was determined to stand it. The visitor blew smoke like a tar kiln. Mark grew restless. Beads of cold perspiration began to gather on his brow. Throwing down his pipe, he hastily unlocked the door and fled.
This story is suspect, though it's instructive to know about it. Nowhere else in all the letters, writings, and biographies is there another instance of Twain being overcome by tobacco. It seems so improbable that the editorial board here at the Daily Reader has categorized it as "a despicable, bald-faced, contemptible lie manufactured to malign the good name of a great smoker." We suspect that it was manufactured as a pitiful joke, but you be the judge.
Assorted photographs of some of Mark Twain's smoking instruments, taken at the Mark Twain museum in Hartford, Connecticut.
Twain was dedicated to corn cob pipes and carried several with him in a casual and unusual way. In England one evening, Twain was dining with writer and critic Coulson Kernahan and his wife, and Twain asked politely if they minded his smoking. Of course, they approved. Cyril Clemens learned of the event directly from Kernahan:
Mark Twain's hand went to his trousers pocket, and brought out the contents, very much as one takes out the money one carries in order to select a needed six-pence or shilling. The contents proved to be, not as first appeared a handful of walnuts, but a number of stemless bowls of corn cob pipes, to carry which, loose in his pocket, seemed as natural to him as it is to most of us to carry loose cash in a similar place. Then from a pocket on the other side, again as a matter of course, he hauled a corresponding number of straight sticks or cane-like stems, one of which he fitted into a pipe bowl and passed to me.
"Say, Ker'nan" (so he clipped the name) he asked, "did you ever smoke one of these? It's the coolest, lightest, sweetest, nuttiest, cutest thing in pipes that ever I struck. Throw a man a cigar with a sort of paper life-belt round it when he's in the deep waters of composing a funeral oration, but a brier is no bad sort of a buoy to hang on to when he's in danger of being carried under by a sticky tide of sentiment ... But when one wants to float, light and easy, to bask on one's back in the sun, and look out for anything there is of fun and humor in this old darned world of ours, you let him stick a corn cob between his teeth, and he can't sink."
We're all familiar with Twain's famous quote stating that his rule for smoking was to smoke only one cigar at a time. Cyril provides an eye-witness account:
Sir Bruce Seton, who was by temperament a methodical man and ordered his days more or less by set rule, asked Mark Twain if he had any set rules with regard to smoking, particularly about doing so before breakfast, which a leading oculist had pronounced a frequent cause of eye trouble.
The answer which Mark Twain drawled out was delightful: "Why, yes, as I am a man of rules. I make it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time, my only other rule being never to smoke when I'm asleep, and never to leave off smoking when I'm awake."
Another famous quote arose in 1898 when newspapers mistakenly reported Twain's death. It was a different Clemens who had passed, though, and when the reporters came for the story, they were surprised to see Twain.
A large group of reporters called at Twain's apartments to learn the details of the funeral. When the door was flung back and Mark Twain in his white suit stood before them smoking his Missouri corn cob pipe, the reporters collapsed in surprise and astonishment.
The humorist's eagle, all-observant eye noticed that one young reporter was terribly disappointed at missing what promised to be a great scoop. So he kindly took pity on the neophyte and told him to cable to his paper the following message: "The report of Mark Twain's death is greatly exaggerated."
Sadly, those reports are no longer exaggerated. Twain passed away 114 years ago, but it's as though we can still smell his cigars and his pipes. Smoking winds its way through all of his writing and was a way of life for him; smoke was his oxygen and his muse. It's fitting that we, as pipe enthusiasts, celebrate his birthday, perhaps with our oldest corn cob and our strongest tobacco. It's how everyone who knew him always remembered the great author.
Bibliography
- Clemens, Cyril. My Cousin Mark Twain, (1939), second edition.
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Comments
Gotta love that "Tough Tom", I think that it will gain positive traction and be really popular in the following years. Good read!
I looked for Tough Tom and found it was a real tobacco made by W.A. & A.C. Churchman. I couldn't find production dates, but the British company was founded in 1790 and changed its name to the above in 1888. There's a photo of a tin here: https://www.flickr.com/photos/sludgeulper/4682632133/
The tin features the image of a pirate-like individual with a peg leg, hooked hand, and eye patch, smoking a long clay with the quote, "I smoke my pipe and sing old songs." Pretty irresistible. I'd buy it if it were still around.
Thank you for the link, Chuck. It has inspired me for my next pipe smoking t-shirt project...that tin art, with "TOUGH TOM" 'RESISTANCE is FUTILE' in bold print, and I'm sure I'll throw an "Arrr!" in there somewhere 🏴☠️ Good stuff!
Bravo, as always, Mr. Stanion! Where do you find time to perform the other duties at your firm? Your writing is something that I always welcome. Happy "Samuel Clemens Birthday"! And I wish that you had a peaceful, bountiful Thanksgiving this year, with time to account for all of God's blessings which give us both Mark Twain and you.
Kind regards, . .
Great article on the great Samuel Clemens
Chuck, another great essay. I remember Huck and Tom smoking as much as Twain or his other characters. I find it easier to compose and write with a pipe in my mouth.
And, BTW, I drove out in the country with my binoculars to see Halley’s Comet the next time it came by after Twain’s death.
Thank you again for your research and your fine writing!
Joseph: I, too, looked for Halley's Comet in 1986 but failed to see it. It was a terrible disappointment. I read later that it was the comet's worst visibility in 2,000 years because it was on the other side of the sun during its closest approach. Bad luck, but I look forward to seeing it when it returns in 2061.
Wonderful and inspiring article! Time to get out a cob and enjoy some good Virginia tobacco. A match made in pipe heaven. As an archivist, I should mention that ArchivesSpace is the software platform, the citation should be for the St Louis University archives 😄
Many thanks, Eric! I've made that correction.
As usual, another great article!!!!!
Chuck you have captured the true image of Mr. Clemens. I also am a follower of the the man the myths etc. Nicely done my friend Nicely done. Dave
Love these biographical sketches! More, please!