I

've always referred to my last pipe of the day as, well, my last pipe of the day, but I could have saved some syllables had I known that a final smoke has a name: the Kemble pipe, named after the martyred English Saint, John Kemble. The circumstances that brought us this term are grim but contribute significantly to the history and lore of pipe smoking.

He was a Catholic priest from the age of 25 in 1624 until his execution at age 80, and he was popular and admired among both Catholics and Protestants for his oratory and principled dedication to the community. It became a time when Catholicism was illegal in England, however, and priests like Kemble had to work surreptitiously.

No Separation of Church and State

Perhaps you remember hearing something about King Henry VIII breaking with the Catholic Church, but that would have been in 7th grade, right after gym class, and you were probably distracted by post-dodgeball head trauma. The short version is that Henry wanted an annulment so he could marry a new wife, and the Pope refused him, so Henry made his own church — the Church of England — for which he was the final authority with bags full of annulments to be exploited at his leisure. Henry wanted no interference from the Pope.

Parliament supported the agenda, and from 1529 to 1536, it established the English Reformation, breaking with the Vatican and increasing the authority of the Church of England, the King, and itself. Parliament was motivated by the idea of increasing its own influence, money, and power.

Henry wanted an annulment so he could marry a new wife, and the Pope refused him, so Henry made his own church

The Reformation transferred wealth and control of English life from the Catholic Church to the English Crown. Clergy were no longer subject to ecclesiastical courts and were now tried by the same courts as the rest of the population. The funds collected and sent to Rome were legally reduced by 95%, which was a windfall for the English government. The annual household tax for Rome was abolished, and any monastery with an annual income of less than £200 was closed.

A Campaign Against Catholicism

In 1530, Thomas Cromwell, who orchestrated the transition, took further action against papal authority, and the clergy in its entirety was charged with treason. Charges were dropped only for clergy who acknowledged King Henry as the supreme head of the Church.

Kemble wouldn't do that, so he spent much of his life as a criminal and subject to arrest. The penalty for treason was hanging, drawing, and quartering, which seems excessive, but it became customary. You might think, Why go to the trouble of drawing and quartering someone who has already been hanged? The authorities thought of that, and the procedure required that the victim be hanged, but not all the way.

Executions

Here's how your day goes if you're executed with this method: First, your feet are fastened to a wooden panel, called a hurdle, and you are dragged by horses through the streets to the gallows, where you are hanged to the brink of death, then pulled down and revived. Next comes emasculation, and all of your external sexual organs are removed. It isn't what we'd today call surgical; it's amateurish. Emasculation is more severe than castration, which removes the testicles only. You wish it were only castration. Castration sounds pretty good right about now.

Next, an incision is made across your stomach for disembowelment. Various internal organs are removed, depending on the experience and mood of the executioner. It doesn't kill you outright; there's still time for more torture. Dismemberment and decapitation come next, leaving your head for last after your limbs and skin are removed. Quartering refers to the separation of all limbs from your body, if you have any that have been overlooked.

Why go to the trouble of drawing and quartering someone who has already been hanged?

In the pursuit of common decency, execution by drawing and quartering was reserved for men. Women were merely burned at the stake. The Crown was serious about people following spiritual rules, and John Kemble did not follow the rules.

The Popish Plot

Even so, Kemble wasn't in immediate peril until a scumbag named Titus Oates came along. Catholics were able to continue their worship as long as they did so surreptitiously and the primary local landowners didn't object. In fact, Catholicism continued to be widely practiced with the discreet approval of many landowners. John Kemble administered as an itinerant priest for 53 years, mainly based at Treago Castle in his home village of St. Weonards, and at Pembridge Castle, owned by his nephew.

He seemed safe until 1678 when Titus Oates decided to make a name for himself with the perjury that would become known as the Popish Plot. Oates concocted flimsy evidence that Catholics were plotting to assassinate King Charles II of Scotland and replace him with his Catholic brother. Oates was later shown to be a fraud, but ambitious anti-Catholic politicians capitalized on his lies to dispense with the many Catholics who still practiced. Priests, especially, were rounded up, and Kemble was among them.

Though Oates was later proven to be a self-serving schemer and would lose all of his influence, he was not drawn and quartered, as would be fair. Instead, he lived out his days with a government pension, because why not?

John Kemble administered as an itinerant priest for 53 years

Kemble's Arrest

Kemble knew what was coming, and his friends urged him to flee, but he refused. Author Clement Tigar reports that Kemble said, "According to the course of nature, I have but a few years to live; it will be an advantage to suffer for my religion, and therefore I will not abscond." (83)

He was arrested in November and taken to Hereford Gaol (jail). Such was the power of his personality and faith that he befriended his jailors and was a popular prisoner. After three months, he was taken to the notorious Newgate Prison in London. The Herefordshire Past website says that Kemble was "bundled backwards onto a horse like a sack. For anyone, that would have been torture, but for an 80-year-old, it must have been almost unbearable. When interrogated, John refused to admit to a non-existent plot, and eventually was sent back to Hereford ... by foot."

He was 80 years old, and he had to walk 120 miles back to jail, where he was tried and convicted for being a Catholic priest and for saying Mass. His execution was scheduled for August 22, 1679.

This episode of sharing a pipe and a drink with his jailer launched a legend, and in Herefordshire, the custom emerged of calling the last pipe of the day a "Kemble pipe." It's time that we expanded the usage. It's a convenient term, and as we ponder over and enjoy our last daily pipes, we have the terminology to better identify them.

"When interrogated, John refused to admit to a non-existent plot"

A Merciful Execution?

While standing on the gallows, Kemble comforted his executioner, who admired the priest and was loath to carry out his duty. "Consoling his distraught hangman, the priest is said to have whispered, 'Honest Anthony, my friend Anthony, be not afraid; do thy office. I forgive thee with all my heart. Thou wilt do me a greater kindness than discourtesy.'" (HerefordTimes)

Kemble was not tormented to the full extent of his sentence, though it was certainly gruesome:

It's interesting that Kemble was allowed to hang for so long. He was supposed to be cut down before death, but his executioner held him in such high esteem that he allowed the priest to expire on the gallows so he would not suffer under the subsequent torture.

"... he was forced to comfort and give courage to his executioner who really did not want to carry out the task of killing this likeable old gentleman"

Miracles

Tales of miracles soon began circulating. The executioner's wife visited Kemble's grave, and while praying, her hearing was restored, and shortly thereafter, her daughter's throat cancer disappeared. Kemble's severed hand was also involved in miraculous events, most notably in 1995 when "a priest first became ill and then subsequently succumbed to a comatose state. Hearing tales of the incredible feats of healing that had at one time been attributed to the saint, the priest in charge of the church holding St. John Kemble's sacred hand was called in, and he brought it to the hospital where the ill priest was slowly dying." (Severed Hand)

The executioner's wife visited Kemble's grave, and while praying, her hearing was restored

John Kemble was beatified in 1929 by Pope Pius XI and canonized in 1970 by Pope Paul VI. Though he lived 500 years ago, his accomplishments and courage are worth remembering and admiring, and given his attachment to his pipe, it's tempting to consider him the patron saint of pipe smokers. Some of us may want to think of him occasionally as we're enjoying our Kemble pipes at the end of the day and appreciate that he was not only a saint, but one of us, a pipe smoker who treasured the serenity attainable through a simple pipeful of tobacco.

Bibliography

• Clement, Tigar. Forty Martyrs of England and Wales (1961)
• "52 Saints ~ Week 22 ~ St. John Kemble" (2016), The Three Prayers
• "November's walk by GARTH LAWSON comes across a martyr's grave, a "surprise" castle and some fine views," (2011) Herefordtimes
• Roos, Dave. "The 'Hanged, Drawn and Quartered' Execution Was Even Worse than You Think" (2024), How Stuff Works.
• "Saint John Kemble — Martyr" (2015), Herefordshire Past
• "The Severed Hand of St. John Kemble" Unexplainable.net